Those with borderline personality disorder often cannot rein in their emotions or their behavior. Here are some ways that loved ones can help.
BPD is extremely vexing, perhaps no better illustrated than the propensity for black-and-white thinking, otherwise known as splitting. For a detailed look at splitting, readers are invited to readWhen people or events are categorized as either"all good" or"all bad," it makes it hard for reactions not to be extreme.
When facing any interpersonal volatility, it's natural to feel defensive, and it's important to protect yourself, either physically or from being verbally abused or otherwise threatened. When put on the spot, it's easy to fire back a charged reply. While interacting with more stable people, such a reply may be irksome to the other party but isn't likely to supercharge a situation.
Perhaps the best way to achieve this, in my experience, is to begin by being firm but respectful. A clear line must be drawn that any destructive interchange will not be tolerated. This is followed by requesting to return to the topic when both feel less defensive. Such a tactic is defusing because getting permission to return to the topic shows partnering, and thus, that they matter and are not being rejected.
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