If your partner has ADHD, you may feel he can focus on things that interest him, but not on you. He never seems to follow through on things. If you have ADHD, you may feel your partner has become a control freak, trying to manage the details of your life.
. We were angry, frustrated, disconnected, and unhappy. I was beyond sad. We stayed glued together only by our desire to raise our children well and by a feeling, deep inside, that we ought to be able to do better. Around that time, our daughter, who was nine, was diagnosed as having a learning disability and ADHD. In time, my husband was alsoDiscovering that one or both partners have ADHD is just the beginning.
Understand that such changes must be voluntary. No matter how much a non-ADHD partner may want to, she can’t force her significant other to get organized or become more attentive. Both partners must change. Often, an ADHD partner sets up a system that works well for him yet seems inefficient or strange to his non-ADHD partner. Her criticism or suggestions about how to do it better demoralize him.
You can do this, too. You can move past unhappiness and create something better, if you recognize how ADHD affects your relationship and make adjustments in your attitude and behaviors.Many ADHD relationships are affected by similar patterns, especially when the disorder is under-managed. When you recognize these patterns, you can change them.The biggest shock to ADHD relationships comes with the transition from courtship to marriage.
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