Most of us think we have a pretty good idea of how others see us. Most of us are also wrong
Photo: Robert Daly/Getty Images The vast majority of people — up to 95 percent, in fact — believe they have a decent amount of self-awareness. And maybe you’re one of the lucky 10 to 15 percent who really does have an accurate view of themselves — but if we’re going by the numbers, well, the odds aren’t in your favor.
Our environment isn’t the only obstacle — we’re all built with our own internal blocks as well. In a 2010 TED Talk titled “The Riddle of Experience Versus Memory,” psychologist Daniel Kahneman noted that our memories are often inaccurate, which makes introspection difficult. In his book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, he writes:
In other words, your brain isn’t built to easily spot your own lack of self-awareness. It may seem like a futile pursuit, but Kahneman offers an answer that’s a little bit hopeful, even if it’s also a little bit frustrating. “What can be done about our biases?” he writes. “The short answer is that little can be achieved without considerable investment of effort.”
Which is why self-acceptance is a necessary ingredient in self-awareness. “Self-acceptance is a really important tool to not just increase our self-awareness, but also love the person we think we are,” Eurich says. “You can think of them as two twin pillars.” Without self-acceptance, self-awareness becomes an unpleasant process, which in turn keeps us from embracing it. To put it another way, learning to accept yourself makes it easier to be honest about who you are.
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