Advice: Psychological avoidance is a quick fix to an uncomfortable emotion. It offers emotional relief, but it is fleeting and comes at a heavy cost.
Understanding the patterns of psychological avoidance is the first step toward change. Here are the three ways people tend to practice psychological avoidance.Reacting is any response that seeks to eliminate the source of discomfort. It’s when we reply hastily to an email that upsets us or raise our voices without considering the consequences.
We are engaging with the situation, but only to make the discomfort vanish quickly. Reacting often just fuels the fire, leading to even more problems. This often feels like operating a pressure cooker without a pressure valve.Retreating is the act of moving away or pulling back from anxiety-inducing situations. For example, my client with the fear of public speaking took a different job to avoid it.
Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take toward my fears and anxiety to overcome my avoidance. My client volunteered to read a book to her son’s classroom as the first step in overcoming her fear of public speaking. Even the smallest act of facing our fears can rewire our brain to deal with anxiety better, rather than sidestepping it.Aligning is living a values-driven life, where our daily actions are aligned with what matters the most to us: our values.
Luanna Marques, PhD, is an associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, founder and director of Community Psychiatry Pride at Massachusetts General Hospital, and a former president of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. She is the author of “
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