We were told for years that we were bad parents. Now we discovered our teen is neurodivergent. How do we find help now?
The word “trauma” has been so bandied about in our culture that the meaning can become a bit amorphous, but trauma can both be an acute experience , and it can be a long series of less acute but long-standing issues that threaten a person’s well-being, safety or sense of reality. From your letter, I believe you have experienced this kind of trauma.
As for resources outside of online or in-person groups, the teams you assemble will point you toward books, articles, coaches and podcasts that will continue your education as well as keep your spirits up. Similar to Facebook groups, I strongly recommend finding podcasts that speak to you. You will assuredly find some that you like, but getting specific with your Google searches will help you find the right ones more quickly.
You didn’t ask for this level of struggle. I don’t believe that “everything happens for a reason,” and if you reach a place of equilibrium, you yourself could become an advocate, as well as a source of information and support for parents who are in the same predicament as you once were. Start the Facebook group for parents that you didn’t find, assemble names and resources in one place online, start a Substack on what you learned, help school administrators and teachers with your information.
You are under no obligation to do any of those things, but I have found that when parents have been through something this hard, they often have a special way of connecting with others who are facing similar issues. Keep an open mind. For now, take your time, find some podcasts, find a good coach and keep the faith. Humans are adaptable; your family can make it through this! Good luck.
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