.annetdonahue on professional jealousy: 'It’s easier to be jealous than to acknowledge what we think we want'
I can be a petty, vengeful, and calculating person. Sometimes I’m cold and manipulative. And these traits I can acknowledge and own and accept as parts of who I am. I know our darker selves are necessary to balance out what we’re proud of and celebrate. But despite it being a trait we all tend to share, I still have problems accepting my jealousy.
Because professional jealousy thrives on projection. We see what a friend has accomplished or what milestone they’ve reached and we assume that those things arrived pain-free and without effort. We assume that because their news is good, they’re basking in happiness.
Every time I’ve been jealous , it’s never been over what I’m claiming to be salty about. I don’t actually want That Particular Writing Job or That RT By That Person or That Interview In That Magazine. I want things that are far more embarrassing: recognition for my work, someone whose work I respect to respect me too, proof that I’m not writing in circles. Or, usually more accurately, to be happier. I’ve never been jealous in moments where I’m actually fine with the way my life looks.
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