In today's Ask Amy column, Amy Dickinson responds to a question about how to grieve a past mistake made to a friend who has recently passed.
In today's Ask Amy column, Amy Dickinson responds to a question about how to grieve a past mistake.Many years ago, my college roommate did something that hurt my feelings very much. Instead of saying something to him I, in turn, did something to hurt him as well .
We were both young and foolish but I admit I caused him a far greater hurt. These were not physical, financial or social hurts, but emotional.Years later we discovered that we had both retired and settled in the same city. A deep and loving friendship materialized over time as we rekindled old memories and friends.I never knew how to bring it up, and also feared it might damage our friendship. I also worried that it would hurt him again knowing that I was the person who hurt him.
A few months ago, he passed away after a long illness. It pains me that I never cleaned the slate between us. It haunts me daily. It appears I have taken on the pain I once caused him so long ago.Your assumption that you need to confess in order to be forgiven might be selling your friend short. You could honor this good man’s life by remembering him as someone who would have quickly granted you forgiveness for that long-ago episode.A therapist could help you to work this through.
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