Advice from Amy Dickinson.
I freely admit that I crossed the line multiple times in disciplining my son, but I have apologized many times.My son is now 51 and lost his father two years ago to COVID.
He mostly takes out his anger on me. He talks rudely to me, and only comes to my house when my daughter and son-in-law visit to help with projects around my property.I don’t know what to do. I am 72 and I don’t want him to live with regrets when I am gone.– A Mom in CrisisIt is possible that your “discipline” in childhood might have actually broken your son’s spirit, consigning him to an adult life where he is both dependent on you and burdened by his rage toward you.
It sounds as if you have been helpful when he and his family have been in crisis. These heroic measures are your way of being a good mother to him now, but you cannot go back and undo the damage to this wounded person. You and his sister should urge him to get professional therapeutic help for the many wounds he carries.