Advice columnist Amy Dickinson answers her readers’ questions in this December 31, 2022 edition of Ask Amy.
During my long-ago journey into online matching, I admit to having experiences similar to yours. It seemed that the people I was meeting were sometimes relitigating their previous relationships. I often felt unduly challenged and tested. Honestly, few of these people seemed actually interested in getting to know me at all.
This might be a function of the speed with which many people approach the matching process. Match, meet, test for compatibility, move on. And the anonymity of social media has transformed some people into conversational jackals. My take is this: Engaging in a peaceful and informative conversation has always been something of a rarity . Being with someone who listens with interest, who seems to “see” you, and who can challenge you without raising your hackles – these are qualities you enjoy in your deep and intimate friendships. This is what you’re looking for, and so your best bet might be to move off-line and to join groups and organizations where you can meet and get to know people gradually, IRL .
This person does not realize that the speaker picks up ALL noises in their vicinity, which are amplified into my ear.I have said, several times, “Can we talk when you are not so busy so that I can hear you without all the background noise?” – and get snark in return.I had something important to say one time, and just gave up.If this person calls you , you should try again: “I hope you understand that I actually cannot hear you when you use your earbuds and mic.
Then, “Upset” wrote to you, disappointed that you didn’t call me out for being a sex-worker during my youth.2). I don’t believe I did any long-term damage to my psyche or libido.4). You’d be very surprised at the number of seemingly “normal” young women who have been sex-workers at some point in their life while trying to make ends meet during their college or post-grad years. I’d guess that one woman in every 300 or 400 has done this for a time.