For WorldBipolarDay, revisit our March cover story with beberexha as she talks about living with bipolar disorder:
explains. People with bipolar I can also experience mixed episodes that feature both highs and lows.
When Rexha wasn’t experiencing depression—she describes the struggle to free herself from those depths as “trying to pull a train”—her mood and behavior would sometimes crest to disorientingly high levels. “I would get super hyper, and I would text everybody, and I’d just get sloppy. I couldn’t control my emotions, and I was always super anxious, and couldn’t sit still.” She’d spend a lot of money too, she says. These are classic symptoms of mania.
But Rexha’s family was supportive of her need for help, and eventually she found the right therapist and later decided to start taking medication under the guidance of a psychiatrist. “I felt very sick, and there’s only so much you can take as a human being,” she explains. “I made an adult decision to take another step to better myself.”
Once the news was out, Rexha felt freedom tempered by fear. “It’s scary, but at a certain point you got to say, ‘Fuck it, this is who I am.’ Or you just keep it to yourself,” she says. “At the end of the day, it’s nobody’s business. But, for me, I like to be very transparent with my fans…and I won’t allow it to label me. It’s something that I’m going through, but it’s not me.”
As you can imagine, being a famous musician with bipolar disorder comes with specific challenges, as it would with any kind of health condition. “[The stress of] being in the industry really magnifies it, and being in the public eye can really magnify it, especially if you’re going out,” Rexha says. “There’s certain things I have to stay away from…. I have to be really careful because it can really throw me off and it’s fucking scary.
And, of course, there’s Rexha’s eight-pound rescue dog, Bear. “There have been moments when I’ve been so, so, so sad, and she literally jumps in the bed and will lick my tears and make sure I have no more tears left. She’s my best friend in the whole wide world.”
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