Feeling stuck? Here's how to break out of the polarizing roles that are suffocating the vitality of your relationship.
This polarization is harmful to both members of the couple.Those of you reading this who are in a relationship may have noticed that, over time, each of you has tended to gravitate towards specific roles. For example, one person in a relationship often handles more financial responsibilities than the other; one person handles more household cleaning, and one person handles more household maintenance and repairs.
In heterosexual couples, women have justifiably been most vocal about the polarization of roles being tilted in favor of men and the unfairness of being expected to work outside the home and then do more than their fair share of the work at home.
When I work with families with young children who have gotten stuck in traditional gender roles, I strongly encourage the woman to go out of town for at least a weekend. Longer is better, but a weekend is usually long enough. I ask the woman not to prepare any meals in advance, not to arrange any babysitters or play dates, and not to answer her cell phone unless it is a true emergency .
For the men, I tell them that they may be very uncomfortable at first but to hang in there because it will almost certainly get better, and I haven’t lost any kids in this experiment yet. The payoff for the men is that it will change their relationship with their kids forever. They are welcome to call a friend and ask for help; in fact, I encourage them to do that in order to build their resources for the future. The idea is to boost theirabout what they are going to find.
As the lines between real and fake blur, Americans increasingly chase the idea of authenticity. The first step may be to consider self-knowledge, truthfulness, and other building blocks on the road to personal growth.
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