'I find that I'm trying to document, to build a record for the day when he isn't there to remind me of him and of us.'
, 31."My sisters and I learned to lie flat on the floor of the van under our jackets, to sneak out the back doors of restaurants."Tallulah and her family announced in early 2022 that Bruce was suffering from aphasia, and while the public only learned about Bruce's diagnosis last year, Tallulah said she had known something was wrong for a long time.
"While I was wrapped up in my body dysmorphia, flaunting it on Instagram, my dad was quietly struggling. All kinds of cognitive testing was being conducted, but we didn't have an acronym yet. I had managed to give my central dad-feeling canal an epidural; the good feelings weren't really there, the bad feelings weren't really there," she writes.
Tallulah left not only feeling better, but with the desire to find harmony with her family, who had worried about her for so many years as she struggled with her health. Tallulah adds,"I can bring him an energy that's bright and sunny, no matter where I've been. In the past I was so afraid of being destroyed by sadness, but finally I feel that I can show up and be relied upon. I can savor that time, hold my dad's hand, and feel that it’s wonderful. I know that trials are looming, that this is the beginning of grief, but that whole thing about loving yourself before you can love somebody else—it’s real.
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