How much time partners should spend together and apart when stuck in the same space
is placing novel challenges on couples, families, roommates, and anyone who lives within the same four walls with more than one other person. Working from home, social distancing, isolation, and shelter-in-place orders mean that people who only spent evenings and weekends together are now in more or less constant contact.
Given the recency of this phenomenon of enforced togetherness, there is little research to use as a guide for you to figure out how to help your relationships stay strong under these potentiallyconditions. One new study on leisure time use by couples may provide you with some useful pointers.
One key feature that may determine how the togetherness-separation ratio plays out for a couple is what the authors call “self-differentiation,” or the ability to maintain your sense of self independently of your relationship. People high on this quality are able to derive enjoyment from solitary as well as joint activities, and without necessarily wanting to"get away," seem to prefer having the chance to go off on their own once in a while.
The findings indicated that self-differentiation indeed played a role in determining relationship satisfaction via the influence of satisfaction with shared leisure time. As the authors noted, “individuals who have higher levels of [sense of self] might be able to more effectively ask for desired time together and ask to do activities that are more personally meaningful, resulting in more enjoyable time together” .
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