Christmas trees should all wear sunglasses instead of decorations
Christmas is imminent. The trees have risen out of the ground and been dragged to their final resting places: strapped to the roof racks of Subaru Outbacks and lugged up flights of stairs. The
captors have wrestled the tree skirt out of the linen closet and plopped their prisoner into its small dish of water. Tighten the screws around the trunk. Check the bolts. She’s locked and loaded. Now bring her the sunglasses.’s-themed bar that exists only in my mind and perhaps somewhere near Pensacola.
A big Douglas fir wearing nothing but a pair of sunglasses might work wondefully as a parenting tactic, also. If your child asks, with growing insistence, why the tree hasn’t been decorated yet, you can simply tell your sweet moppet that the tree is taking a nap and simply isn’t ready to be dressed.
Make sure that this sticks. The surveillance state is real, but instead of reminding your children of that cold fact, tell your kiddies that the sunglasses are just there to hide the tree’s real eyes. The spirit of the season isn’t gift-giving or figgy pudding or eggnog, three ways. It’s the gentle yet unbending reminder that no matter what you do and where you go, someone is always watching.
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