Claiming that the outrage mob was out in full force for All Saints’ Eve, conservatives revealed which Halloween costumes offended their woke neighbors.
Jackson Stanton, Sports Writer “The complete texts of the Federalist Papers printed in size-five Arial font. People kept getting angry and squinting and saying, ‘I can’t see what it says. Am I supposed to know what it says?’ Freaking cucks to no end, I swear.” Greg Hull, Anesthesiologist “I went as my favorite child-trafficking victim from the Sound Of Freedom.
” Toby Crenshaw, Lawyer “I went as a spooky ghost! It was quite a fright for all!!!!!” Gina Caroli, Grocery Store Manager “But…I’m the one offended by Halloween… The…the devil! Wait? Am I woke? Is it woke to believe in God? I need to sit down…” Harold Waltz, Surgeon “I went to my friend’s party dressed in a large piece of child pornography to bring attention to the issue of child pornography. Apparently that’s all it takes to get arrested these days.
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