... my mother-in-law decided I was no longer “allowed” to speak to her or her family. When my husband asked her why, she was unable to give him a clear answer ...
DEAR ABBY: I’m a gay man. My husband and I have been together almost nine years, married less than one. Seven years ago, my mother-in-law decided I was no longer “allowed” to speak to her or her family. When my husband asked her why, she was unable to give him a clear answer but insists it has nothing to do with us being gay. Anytime my husband mentions my name or the life we have together, she changes the subject.
My mother-in-law followed a similar pattern when my brother-in-law married his wife. When they had their first child, my MIL’s behavior did a 180 and she welcomed them into the family. Now that we’re married, my husband and I have begun the process of adopting from the foster care system. I assume my in-laws will want a relationship with their grandchildren, but I don’t know if I can let go of how they’ve treated us. The strain has been especially tough on my husband.
DEAR ISSUES: There may be nothing you and your husband can do. When her children fell in love and married, your MIL may on some level have felt abandoned and felt the need to punish. That she came around when your sister-in-law’s baby entered the picture is admirable. It’s possible she relented because she recognized that if she didn’t, she’d be unable to have anything to do with her grandchild. That said, do not assume she will mellow if you and her son successfully adopt.
DEAR CALIFORNIA MOM: Weird? Heck, no. In some circles what you did is how matches are made. Thousands of other mothers have done the same thing. Too bad your son reacted so negatively. Even if they weren’t romantically interested, they might have become friends. You can never have enough of those.Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
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