Dear Abby advises a woman worried about her fiancé’s addict past and a mother worried about her daughters’ weights.
My fiancé and I have been together for six years. We are in our late 40s. He’s a recovering alcoholic and former drug user from his late teens into his early 20s. He hasn’t touched drugs for 21 years. He often talked to people about his recovery, and I was beyond proud of him.
I recently saw something that broke my heart. My neighbor has a security camera. I went over to check on him and he asked me to look at the camera he has for fear of strangers coming up to his door. My heart began to race as I saw my fiance in the background of the video smoking something. I watched the video at least 20 times and there he was, smoking a blunt! I was so shocked and disappointed that it took me an hour before I could text him.
I sent him a clip of the video and asked how he could fall off the wagon and be so sneaky about it. I am no longer sure I want to marry him because — what’s next? Alcohol, more drugs? My father was an alcoholic, and I always told myself I would never marry one. Should I call off the wedding and end the relationship? I am so angry I cannot breathe. What makes someone fall off the wagon after 20 years of being sober? —You have my sympathy. Recovery is not a destination.
P.S. I know I will hear from readers telling me marijuana isn’t the “hard stuff” and is even legal in some states. However, the issue I can’t avoid is that he deceived you about what he has been doing, which should tell you he knows it’s wrong.I was a good mom, staying at home for 17 years. I love my two girls . Both are very heavy. I always struggled with weight, too, but I lost 50 pounds in the last year. They don’t seem to care about their weight issues, and I have a lot of guilt about it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
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