I stand my ground and will not allow any of these people to get near me. Am I justified in doing such?
DEAR CONCERNED MALE: Your wife is a saint as well as a synagogue president. Of course, if this were a trial and we were adding up everyone’s mistakes, then yes, you might be justified in not wanting to socialize with a couple who was rude to you or the woman you heard say mean things about your father. But all of that could also be a misunderstanding; maybe the woman did not speak badly about your father, and your wife is right in giving her the benefit of the doubt.
Instead of asking if you are justified, how about asking how you and your wife can have nice, harmonious friendships with other members of the synagogue, and also spending one-on-one time with your wife? Both are important for marriages: alone time and social time with friends. But if you keep finding faults with all her friends, that will continue to make life a whole lot more challenging for both of you.
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