WASHINGTON—According to Beltway sources, confused White House staffers arrived at their desks Wednesday to find a meticulously researched, entirely unrequested report from the Interior Department assessing dry humping as a suitable sex alternative for teenagers.
The uncomfortably in-depth 900-page document, which outlines the benefits of clothed genital stimulation versus fully penetrative sex, reportedly baffled administration officials, who confirmed they generally associate the department with its role in managing natural resources and administering programs for Native Americans.
Another section, credited to the department's Office of Surface Mining Reclamation and Enforcement, ranks the best places to engage in dry humping using a statistical "dry-pleasure coefficient," or DPE—a new metric the Department of the Interior developed solely for the report. The study indicates a soft couch in the finished basement of a mutual friend's house has the highest-known DPE, making it the top location for fully clothed teens to vigorously mount each other.
México Últimas Noticias, México Titulares
Similar News:También puedes leer noticias similares a ésta que hemos recopilado de otras fuentes de noticias.
The Best Sex Podcasts to Make You Laugh, Cry, and Feel Less Weirdo. Whether you want straightforward (but thoughtful) sex advice, deep dives on the most specific kinks you can think of, or beautiful stories of romance and finding one another, the best sex podcasts can simultaneously make us laugh, cry, and feel a lot less weird.
Leer más »
It Is Now Illegal to Send an Unsolicited Dick Pic in TexasIt’s not always super fun to get an unsolicited dick pic, and in Texas, it’s now illegal to send one.
Leer más »
Texas criminalizes sending unsolicited nude photos, effective September 1Starting today, sending unwanted explicit images could cost violators up to $500.
Leer más »
Oven-Dried Strawberries RecipeYou've got to try these—plump, juicy dried strawberries you can throw in salads or desserts.
Leer más »
The Best Sulfate-Free Shampoos, According to HairstylistsWhile sulfates are powerful cleaning agents, they can be too harsh for many hair types
Leer más »