Money might be fake, but your boss’s reluctance to pay you isn’t. Here are common excuses employers will use to avoid giving you a hard-earned raise.
You’ve got to respect them at least a little bit for being honest.List slidesAt least you know you can’t hope for better elsewhere.“Your golf-related small talk lacks depth.”“But that would mean less money for us and more money for you.”Well, that is pretty hard to argue with.“I just spent all the company money on fresh, organic raspberries.”“You cannot get a raise from that which you cannot see!”To be fair, your boss’s arsenal of smoke bombs and flash grenades is pretty impressive.
“Even if I gave you a raise, it wouldn’t matter, because money is just paper that the government tricks us into thinking has value—but it doesn’t!”“Even if I gave you a raise, it wouldn’t matter, because money is just paper that the government tricks us into thinking has value—but it doesn’t!”“You give me one first.”AdvertisementFor some reason, your promotion is coming in Q5, too.List slidesAt least they’re being honest.“Save 20 more lives, and we’ll see.
This is a common excuse administrators make even though they know hospitals make money when the patients die, too.“You don’t got the moxie to make it in this business, kid.”“Unfortunately, those funds are necessary to fuel my cocaine addiction.”But definitely check in next year, when your boss may have a better hold on his demons.“The world is ending at 6:43 a.m. tomorrow.”
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