“I didn’t know what cystic fibrosis was. Knowing that Melissa’s brother had passed from it … I mean, I obviously knew it was something very serious”
They say you can never understand someone else’s marriage. But this week, New York Magazine and the Cut decided to try. We interrogated dozens of couples to see what makes their marriages work — or not.
Steve: That night we saw Southern Culture on the Skids at Bowery Ballroom. They threw their pieces of chicken like they do, or whatever it was. Steve: She told [me] the first night we met that her brother had passed as a child, but she didn’t tell me from what. Steve: I still don’t really consider her, you know, sick. It’s not the way I think of her. I think of CF as more of an inconvenience than an illness.
Melissa: I had always pictured marriage, kids. I talked about it a lot with Steve, and I talked about it with my doctor, who I thought was going to have a heart attack. She was supportive, but she was like, get your health up there. And I did it: I got my PFT [pulmonary function test] up to 60. Melissa: Well, not exactly “no problem.” We worked closely with the geneticist at our CF center. For some women with CF, pregnancy is an issue, but because my lung function was up, my airways were clear. Some of my friends with CF adopted or decided not to have kids, because they worried it would be too much. I was just super determined. Or crazy, I don’t know. We have two now, three years apart. I found it hard, with two, especially when I was alone.
Steve: There was one time when I needed a little more clarity from Melissa’s doctors, about how life expectancy looks. They let me know that things won’t take a turn at the drop of a hat — it’s much more gradual than that. I found that reassuring, because she takes such good care of herself now.
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