DearPrudie: I really don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to date him either.
• Call the voicemail of the Dear Prudence podcast at 401-371-DEAR to hear your question answered on a future episode of the show.My husband and son share the same name. Many people think this is odd, but I think it’s adorable. We called my son Baby XYZ for a while in order to distinguish him from his father, XYZ.
On the other hand, $20 is still a lot of money for me. I can usually absorb the cost, but it’s not always easy, and it’s frustrating and hurtful when she says she’ll pay me back and then doesn’t. Recently I asked if she would get food for me before an event we were both going to and said I’d happily pay her back or we could call it even on something I’d bought for her at her request. Not only did she not do it at all, but she didn’t acknowledge that she still owed me for the other purchase.
You’re probably not going to see any of the money back that you spent on her, but you can stop buying things for her from now on. And I think you should at least ask her to pay you back when you tell her you can’t front her money anymore, and give her the opportunity to apologize to you and possibly provide more context. It’s not petty to ask her to remember her word, nor is it petty to say you won’t be able to cover her expenses from now on.
There’s a lot of therapy speak in your letter, so I’m guessing that you’ve both spent plenty of time seeing various counselors. Which is great! But one pitfall I’ve sometimes noticed affecting the highly therapized is that if they are able to justify or contextualize a particular behavior in someone else, they begin to act as if this behavior is a necessary, intrinsic, nonnegotiable aspect of that person’s character.
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