'Although we all have decent jobs, we also have different financial constraints, and it’s complicated to talk about what we’re comfortable spending.' MyTwoCents columnist charlottecowles responds
Photo: H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock/Getty Images My mom is turning 60 this year, and my family wants to take her on a trip to celebrate. I’m the second child of four and my siblings and aunt are all pitching in. My parents are divorced, and my mom brought us up without much help from our dad, so she hasn’t had the easiest life. I know it’ll mean a lot to her if we go someplace nice together to celebrate her.
First of all, this is so nice! It seems like your intentions are clear and heartfelt: to treat your mom to a birthday celebration that will make her feel appreciated and loved. Be sure to keep that at the forefront of every conversation with your sisters and aunt as you plan. If things ever get tense or weird, as they inevitably do whenever you’re coordinating something expensive with family members , this is the central point to regroup on.
“For many families, celebrations can become synonymous with expensive things and places, which often contributes to greater family disconnect — the opposite of what you are trying to create,” says Bahareh Sahebi, a therapist and faculty member at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. “There are many things we fantasize about doing for ourselves or our loved ones, but in reality, those efforts can leave many, including your mom, feeling overburdened, resentful, left out, and even hurt.
To kick off this conversation, give everyone some advance notice and make the objectives clear: “To plan mom’s birthday, we need to come up with a budget we’re all comfortable with. Can everyone take a few days to think about what they’re willing to spend and then email me a ballpark number?”
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