Insecurity isn’t usually considered to be a desirable trait in a romantic partner, but surprising research suggests that it probably should be. Here's why.
Insecurity.”[i] They begin by acknowledging that research shows that people prefer securely attached individuals when choosing between secure or insecure partner prototypes. Nonetheless, they note that in real life, not everyone chooses a secure partner. Accordingly, they sought to explore the factors that cause people to select insecure partners, specifically examining flattery, appearance, and status.people seem to have it all.
Brumbaugh et al. also recognize that some aspects of security such as warmth are valuable qualities to have in a mate within the context of raising a child for example, or even relational functioning, making them more important to women. Accordingly, women may be more inclined to consider a prospective partner as an entire package.Regarding status, Brumbaugh et al. note that interestingly, neither women nor men were attracted to individuals who were high-status but insecure.
Happy, healthy relationships involve more than checking boxes in all of the desirable categories. Insecure or not, viewing a prospective partner with interest, respect, compassion, understanding, and a healthy dose of humility may be more attractive than you think.[i] Brumbaugh, Claudia Chloe, Alison Baren, And Peryl Agishtein. “Attraction to Attachment Insecurity: Flattery, Appearance, and Status’s Role in Mate Preferences.” Personal relationships 21, no. 2 : 288–308.