All athletes will be required to thoroughly wash their hands once before attending the games.
Slipping one of these padded, nylon muscle suits onto every Olympian before their events will prevent skin-to-skin contact while still allowing viewers to get an idea of the impressive athletic physiques that lie below.Tokyo police have strategically placed marksmen around the city with orders of “shoot to kill” when they spot anyone exhibiting Covid symptoms.
A 6-foot gap will prevent these athletes from grappling, forcing them to swing their arms wildly in an effort to pin their opponents with air currents.Zip Drive Containg 3.7 GB Of Hardcore Pornography To dissuade athletes from interacting with one another, each will be given nearly four gigabytes of MP4 videos of gangbangs, orgies, and fuckfests in either live action or hentai form.Anthems Only Played For Countries With Handle On Pandemic
Medalists representing countries with an immunization rate below 50% will be forced to stand in shameful silence and think about how their homeland has failed.Comical Signs Describing What 6 Feet Apart Looks Like While ultimately useless in convincing attendees to stay “one dolphin apart,” “four dancing penguins apart,” or “3.5 armadillos apart,” these complete wastes of single-use plastic will humorlessly take up every square inch of wallspace in the Tokyo metropolitan area.While the balls may end up shriveled and no longer buoyant, they’ll be completely free of germs.
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