Preteens need to start to separating from their parents so they can figure out who they are. This can be incredibly hard for moms and dads.
. The girls had just tried their hand at straightening his naturally curly hair, while the boys were laughing at the results. About 15 seconds into the video, my son said something to one of his friends.
On an intellectual level, I know these changes haven’t happened overnight. But my heart hasn’t quite caught up to my brain, and I’m juggling this new season of parenthood with what feels like grieving a loss. The little person that once needed me for everything, relied on me for companionship as much as he did sustenance, is no more.
“Many parents take this sadness and turn it into control,” says Carla Maire Manly, a California-based clinical psychologist. “Parents tend to push back by hardening boundaries and stifling their child’s newfoundFeeling and processing the sadness and loss is necessary so parents can provide a firm foundation on which preteens can thrive and grow. “Parents have to face the fact that one day, our children will live in the world without us,” Harrell says.
And be honest about what it’s like for you as a parent. Say your tween asks for a new privilege. If you’re freaked out, tell them. “This is a time that can be new and scary for parents and children,” says Harrell. “Articulate that you’re scared or that this is all new territory.” Doing so gives your kid insight into why you’re saying no or modifying the details of the plan. It also might make the “no” easier for your tween to digest or at least give them pause.
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