'I’m insufferable and dramatic and more clueless than I’ve felt in years — and also, I’ve never been better.' I came out in my 30s and I have no idea what I'm doing:
, I spent a very brief period of time thinking that I was the most clever lesbian on the planet. Coming out was electrifying, and in the aftermath I was arrogant enough to believe that I’d navigate the waters of lesbian relationships with ease.
was I sure I wanted to contemplate marriage to an emotionally unavailable photographer in Bushwick? Was I absolutely positive that I was in love with a girl I met on Tinder one week prior? Did I really want to send that fire nude to the woman who mostly sent me pictures of her dog?And for that beautiful, blissful period of time, I really felt like I did. A month or so later, the pendulum swung in the other direction, and I realized I had been gravely mistaken.
However, that doesn’t change the fact that when I get advice from my gay and lesbian beacons of dating light — some of whom are much younger than I am with vastly more relationship experience — I feel like a dewy-eyed baby. In fact, I sometimes describe my dating decision-making processes as a being like a child standing in front of a stove. The red-hot glow of messy lesbian dating calls to me, and it feels impossible not to reach out and touch. Of course, I do it anyway.
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