I didn’t want my husband in the delivery room —
of her first child six years ago, she knew she would be relying on her mother for support during labour rather than her husband of four years.
When it came time to have the baby, Hiraldo’s husband drove her to the hospital, waited for her mother to arrive and spent labour pacing the halls. Whenhad been delivered and Hiraldo’s doctor had medically cleared her, her husband came into the hospital room. “He came right in and held our son, skin to skin, and profusely thanked my mom for being there,” says Hiraldo. “It was the best decision for us. No regrets.
Despite this, not everyone is convinced that the near-universal presence of partners in the delivery room is a good thing. The most prominent critic is French obstetrician Michel Odent, who“The ideal birth environment involves no men in general.
“Nowadays it’s seen as the norm that a ‘good partner’ will be there and be hands-on, but that’s not the best situation for everyone,” says, a California-based author and doula . Some moms, including Hiraldo, worry about what others will think about their partners not being present for the birth. “I thought my mom friends would judge [my husband] and think that he didn’t want to be there for me,” she says.
“Women going through birth feel so vulnerable, and they want to feel that their family is solid in every way,” says Gaddis. Oftentimes, that can be expressed as checking in on or mothering their partners and even their birth professionals. “They just can’t help but take care of everyone around them,” she says. “ThoseIn addition, partners are having their own emotional experiences knowing that they are about to have a child.
This is another prevalent idea around partners in the delivery room: that the moment of birth is when a family is formed. It’s no wonder that many people feel that partners who are not present for birth are missing out on something significant. However, Gaddis says that this is a romanticized view of childbirth. “That bond isn’t created during the birth but right after, when the parents meet the child together,” she says. “That’s when I see the first spark of the family.
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