After bringing home a newborn, I started keeping score and creating unrealistic expectations. Something had to give.
“I’m just, so, tired,” I said to my husband, staggering toward the kitchen table and tenderly sitting down. The pain from the emergency C-section a week ago still felt fresh, and the demands of an extremely hungry newborn left me feeling perpetually hungover.I felt the heat rising from my hips, where I was sitting across from him eating dinner . I stood up, furious, speechless: My teeth meeting like magnets, the pressure radiating along my jaw.
in between tidying up the house. ALL WHILE KEEPING OUR FIRST-BORN HUMAN ALIVE. I mean, how could he possibly be tired? I hadI harboured that fury, holding onto it like a precious stone and then wielding it like a weapon, whipping it out during arguments, at a speed few baseball pitchers could rival.
Until baby number two arrived, and suddenly there were double the diapers, messes, and mouths to feed. I reached a boiling point one night when I was figure skating in my daughter’s diarrhea in the wee hours of the morning this past winter. I was huffing and puffing, sending telepathic messages to my husband , expecting him to rush to my side with aWhen I brought up what happened the next morning, frustrated and confused as to why he didn’t come to my rescue, he retorted with, “You didn’t ask.
But, I wondered: Is there a way to communicate my expectations of him without sounding like I’m delegating to a junior member of my team? There is, says Lazarus. Be specific about what you need from him rather than focusing on something that feels like a critique, she advises. “Instead of saying, ‘you never help me,’ try saying, ‘I am very overwhelmed right now.
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