Insecure about her sexuality, laurenstrapa felt like she had to fit into lesbian stereotypes in order to be recognized as queer
When I realized I was gay, I did what I always do when confronted with something new and potentially scary—I researched.
I’d been rewatching The L Word as part of my research, which for all its shortcomings is still a go-to reference point for lesbian culture. In the series’ second episode, the gang is at a coffee shop, testing tennis player Dana’s gaydar. They pick a customer to analyse.“Are they polished or natural? chimes in Alice.“Leaning to straight, but we still need more info,” Shane concludes, before they move on to assessing the queerness of the woman’s shoes.
If you haven’t caught on—or just need it confirmed—yes, it’s a sex thing. Long nails and finger penetration don’t jive, for painfully obvious reasons. It’s not like the lesbian police were knocking on my door and trying to take away my manicure tools. But, I was already deeply insecure about my sexuality and so I developed an equally deep anxiety about “looking” gay. How was I ever going to fit in with my new community if I didn’t look like I belonged?
And so, I kept my nails short while longingly scrolling through nail art accounts on Instagram. Short nails were so ubiquitous a lesbian calling card, so deeply-engrained a signal of my new community, that I couldn’t let it go. Bouncy hair and swooping eyeliner felt fine, no one had memes about that, but the nail thing had wormed its way into my brain.
Lucky for me, though, I wasn’t the only person who liked the nails. I’ve been with my girlfriend for two and a half years now, which has really taken the pressure of the “looking gay” worries from my Tinder days. She also happens to love femmes, and liked looking at the new nails as much as I did.“Babe,” I asked. “If I got long nails. Like, really long nails. Pointy ones. Would that be okay?”“I mean, you wouldn’t miss, you know.” I made a motion with two fingers. She laughed.
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