Dear How to Do It: I don’t know if he noticed what happened as he was typing.
I’m a woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. We’re both in our 30s. Our sex life is generally really good, but I have some reservations. The sex we do have is great and hot, but while we both enjoy some light kinks, some dirty talk, spanking, etc., we rarely have sex without these aspects, which isn’t my ideal. I enjoy kink, but I also want sex that has a different tone and is just about us.
We occasionally watch porn together, which I’m fine with. We don’t live together yet, so I don’t know how often he watches porn without me. He’s implied that it’s often, which I’ve never had a problem with. He’s been a bit stressed with work and family stuff lately and he’s been staying up late when I’m not at his house. I know because I’ll get messages from him at 4 A.M. and he’ll tell me he’s been working or he can’t sleep.
The other night we were having sex and we decided to put on some porn in the background using a tablet. When he went to type the name of the porn site into his browser, his previous searches came up including porn addiction, porn addiction help, and porn addiction help near me. I didn’t say anything and I don’t know if he noticed what happened as he was typing. I have absolutely no judgment of this.
My question is, do I bring this up? I’ve already decided not to suggest we watch porn during sex anymore and will let him take the lead. I’ll, of course, support him in his other choices to feel healthier, but I’m torn on whether bringing this up as an invasion of his privacy or if it would be helpful to just start the conversation and let him know I support him and I’m here to help. I have some acquaintances who work in sex therapy who could recommend some good sex therapists if he wants one.
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