We moms like to post memes and inspirational quotes about taking time for the people in our lives that really matter; now we’re actually doing it.
As much as I’m with my family during the quarantine, I have a hard time being fully present. My mind still wanders. I miss the busyness, to keep me focused. I miss my schedule. But I dread the busyness as well; I can’t really imagine running everywhere at all times again.
I know what coaches/instructors/leaders say behind the backs of parents’ who run their young kids from one activity to the next: “It’s easier for a parent to let someone else deal with their kid, entertain their kid, discipline their kid, argue with their kid than for the parent to do it themselves.” A busy, over-scheduled kid only really has time at home to inhale their dinner and sit on a screen for a few minutes before bedtime; that doesn’t leave much time for arguments.
The coronavirus was a chance to hit “pause” on the busy. During quarantine, our young kids are no longer being driven by an adult from one adult-led activity to the next. The adults that are home are likely trying to work, and can’t cue children at every turn; kids need to figure out things on their own. As Lenore Skenazy and Peter Gray, “Kids are solving new problems, adapting and muscling through, because they have no choice.
I miss strangers. I miss casual friends. I miss other people’s kids. I miss the community. I miss connecting with other parents while at games and recitals. As my friend Sue said “It’s amazing how I can feel so lonely, while just wanting time to be alone.” Our kids and spouses can’t be everything for us.
I love that “It Takes a Whole Village” to raise a child, and I miss the village. But I don’t miss the jam-packed calendars and constant running, and given the chance to return to normal, I’m not sure I will.
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