Dear How to Do It: I can't believe some of the words coming out of my boyfriend's mouth during sex—especially given what happens after.
Every Thursday, Rich and Stoya answer a special question they could only tackle together, just for Slate Plus members.I’m a woman in a new relationship and it’s going well—he’s ridiculously hot, a feminist, all the good things. The sex is also fun and getting even better. I have more experience with kink and sex generally than he does, and we’ve ventured into some new territory for him.
My boyfriend had a lot of unexplored desires and a lot of eagerness, so we’re having fun trying some things. One problem that’s coming up, however, is the balance between dirty talk and romantic talk. My partner is not particularly verbally demonstrative and has a reputation even among his friends of being a bit inscrutable. With me, he’s warm, physically affectionate and respectful, but he is not good at compliments or verbal affection.
The problem now is that he has very recently become very interested in dirty talk that has me in a sub role, and enjoys him/I/both of us referring to me as his slut, his whore, etc. I’m into this! It’s fun and hot! He got into this dirty talk very quickly and easily—yet despite repeated requests, he hasn’t put any effort to work on compliments or verbal affection, at all. He’s now called me a slut about a hundred times more than he’s told me I’m pretty.
Also, because she says he’s a feminist, he may be doing something that I’ve told people to do countless times, which is compliment people on something they’ve put work into or earned somehow or created for themselves. But I’m just now realizing that for some people, pretty is actually something that they have achieved.Sex advice from Rich and Stoya, plus exclusive letter follow-ups, delivered weekly.Send me updates about Slate special offers.
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