'Having our first during the pandemic, I’m seriously questioning whether I have it in me.'
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Our baby is approaching her first birthday, and we’re already getting the inevitable questions about whether we’ll have a second. I feel the pressure to make a decision slowly mounting, like a tide coming in. I’m not that young in the grand scheme of parenting, and I know that the window for making that decision is small.
But then my mind’s eye sees the younger one suddenly erupting in tears, needing to be picked up, needing to be fed, needing so much. And I think back to the first months of my daughter’s life, which began in a sunny fall but faded into a long, dark stretch of winter when the first Omicron surge hit New York.
But then I recall the constant background stress of trying to protect her fragile, unformed immune system from getting sick. How even our own mothers, flying in from other states to meet their first grandchild, took multiple home tests and wore masks for days before tentatively revealing their faces to her. Or how we’d tense up when we handed her over to a friend or relative, worrying afterwards that their masks were too loose, or too thin.
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