AskPolly: “What if your deepest insecurity is sex, and only having loving, committed sex can make you feel truly seen and accepted? I don’t know how to break this cycle.” hhavrilesky advises
I’m the classic Married Guy — met my first wife on literally the second day of college, started dating a week later, and married a few months after graduation. When that marriage began to unravel after almost a decade, the disruption it caused to my framework of personal value sent me into a downward spiral. I left my grad program, went AWOL on an internship I had worked years to get, and wound up unemployed and alone in a shitty studio apartment in my hometown.
In some ways I’m making big strides — I moved into my own apartment two years ago while still committed to my marriage. I told everyone it was so I could get better sleep and alleviate my PTSD symptoms, which was true but only half the truth. Since then I’ve been able to fall asleep alone at night , completed a group therapy for male survivors of child sexual abuse, and told my story at an art exhibit for survivors.
And then out of the blue, every year or so, he would sexually abuse you, without words. Finally, the horrible truth of who he was and what he wanted was revealed. The wordless truth. This is how you learned that sex was the only way to feel loved. This is how you learned that all emotional intimacy was role-playing and bullshit, and only sex had meaning and value. Now you want sex , but sex only makes you feel loved while you’re having it. Sex is an empty fix now. The second it’s done, you don’t feel loved anymore. Without it, you’re miserable. You abuse yourself as a shoddy replacement for sex. Even when it hurts, at least it feels like love — almost, kind of, sort of.
Nonetheless, you haven’t figured out how to move that emotional progress into your day-to-day life. Some part of you believes that you’ll be miserable unless you find your fantasy woman. What do you picture when you imagine her? I’m guessing that she’s still luminous and transcendent, yet she’ll also demand more from you than your wives did. She will tell you how to be a man. She will love you for who you are, but she won’t show this with words.
I think sex is also survival to you. You thought your stepdad would kill you, if not for the fact that he used you sexually. Sex was your only real value. You could serve others — fight the way he wanted you to fight, play along — but that wasn’t enough. The only thing that made you feel like you were safe was the sexual abuse. Even though you were afraid of it, it was also proof that you had value.
And the truth is, many people have a huge problem with intimacy. So many people out there have no idea how to show up and allow other human beings to be who they are, to make sounds, to want things. Our culture is one big echo of this problem. It doesn’t take abuse to land there. It’s the default for most of us. You’re trying to solve problems and open your heart. You’ve come a long way.
México Últimas Noticias, México Titulares
Similar News:También puedes leer noticias similares a ésta que hemos recopilado de otras fuentes de noticias.
These Sex Toys Are Up To 50% Off For Prime Day And My Body Is READYTreat Yourself To An Amazing Orgasm, Because These Sex Toys Are On Major Sale For Prime Day
Leer más »
The Graphic Designer Whose Date Is Into ‘Marriage Play’SexDiaries: 1:55 p.m. I ask him about the husband-and-wife thing. He tells me that being single in his 40s has made him fantasize about marriage
Leer más »
R. Kelly's Alleged Sex Slaves Will Support Him at Bond HearingR. Kelly's alleged sex slaves will attend his bond hearing in a show of support.
Leer más »
R. Kelly Set Up Alleged Sex Slaves Financially, They Claim They're Cut OffR. Kelly's alleged sex slaves are in no danger of going hungry or becoming homeless.
Leer más »
Prime Day deals on sex toys, including LeloAmazonPrimeDay deals on sex toys, including Lelo PrimeDayAmazon
Leer más »
Why the Full Moon is the BEST Time to Have SexYour sex drive's feelin' like a werewolf right about now.
Leer más »