'It’s not because my children turned out to be some sort of terrible demon monsters (not most days, anyway). It’s because it’s only through actually living and experiencing motherhood that you can understand what it means for you...'
, emotional and extremely devoted to my children, my husband, my personal interests and my career. I throw myself into all of these things and at the end of the day, I have nothing left to give. I’m happy, but I’m exhausted.
Some people can parent four, six or a dozen children really well. I’m not sure I’m that type of person. Four kids was a lovely vision, but two is a pleasant reality—for me. It’s less financially stressful. It allows us to travel fairly easily. I don’t have toI am able to offer both kids a lot of my time and attention while still having a career and a life of my own . Can other people manage all of this with a larger family? Of course. But I don’t think I could.
The ideal number of kids is different for everyone, both in terms of expectations and reality. A family with one child is no less valid or perfect than a family with two or five kids. Each parent is unique, and so is each child. Two kids can feel like a million or not enough, depending on the players involved. Personally, I thrive in the exact level of chaos that currently exists in my household., and even through the early part of my youngest child’s life.
I sometimes think of my son as “the closer.” As in, I knew my uterus was closed for business after this kid. He became a grand finale of sorts: an enthusiastic, loving, extremely bright, super emotional person who requires more of my energy than the average bear. I am not confident I could mother both of my children at the level they deserve if we added another child to our family. That’s what understanding my own strengths and limitations is all about.
I’m not sad about the kids I didn’t have. The truth is that I have everything I want and need, and our family feels complete. When it comes down to it, it’s simple: I don’t want what I thought I did. I love being a mom to my two incredible, high-energy children. Yes, they sometimes make our house feel like a zoo, but somehow it always feels like home. My new dream is two, and we’re living it well.
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