“Last week, I got it in my head that I had to have a very specific belt bag, or fanny pack. One of my favorite fashion bloggers got one, and showed it with all these different outfits”
Photo: H. Armstrong Roberts/Getty Images Living With Money explores the personal side of personal finance: how our bank balances do and don’t define who we are.
My father died young, just as I was finishing college. It was rough. My parents hadn’t built up any savings, so things came tumbling down for us, financially. In the year before my father died, money was very, very tight. I remember one weekend, I was in Manhattan, and I went into Macy’s in Herald Square to use the bathroom. As I was walking through, I saw all these beautiful things, and I knew I couldn’t buy any of them because we were in such financial straits.
My husband and I got married when I was 30. He’s the opposite of me — he does not carry a balance on his credit card, ever. He was the first person to say, “Look, you have all this debt. Let’s pay it off.” At the time, we both had good jobs; I was actually making more than he was, in the six figures. After I had my second child, I became a stay-at-home mom. We lived in a nice suburb, and soon I had my third. And that’s when my irresponsible shopping began turning into over-shopping.
Things got out of hand after my mother died. In a typical week, I would go to the mall two or three days for hours at a time. I was a VIP at Saks Fifth Avenue, so I had a personal shopper and a special private dressing room that had a couch, snacks, and drinks. When I was on my way, my personal shopper would text me, “Are you hungry? Are you thirsty?” My tea would be waiting when I arrived. If I wanted Champagne, there was Champagne.
I found a therapist who specialized in over-shopping, and after a number of sessions with her, I got to a point where I felt like I was okay. I was no longer in debt or shopping a lot. But I still hadn’t resolved the real issues. I still had a void that the shopping had previously filled. But I kind of hobbled along for about five years, until last summer.
I’ve been seeing the therapist and it’s helping, but I’m far from cured. I have to fill my void in some other way. Some over-shoppers have trouble with insurmountable debt, and I’m fortunate that I don’t, but there are other consequences. Just because I can afford it doesn’t mean it’s not a problem. When I’m busy shopping, I’m not being productive, or doing other things I care about. I have shopped at my children’s baseball games, in the stands on an iPad, instead of watching.
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