For vdhwn, it was harder to come out online than IRL.
In Punjabi culture, there is a common phrase, log kya kahenge, that means, “What will people say?” The “people” it specifically refers to are those whose opinions and values we respect—and the phrase is drenched in fear of how our reputations might diminish in their eyes.
To be fair, I had reason to worry. I once had a conversation with a family friend about where I lived in Toronto. When I mentioned Church Street , he made a face, mockingly saying, “Church? That’s where the gays live, don’t they?” His tone was not friendly. I remember wanting to tell him that I was queer. But then I wondered what he would say to his family if I came out to him. I wondered if he’d like me less, if he’d treat my parents differently.
For the most part, I have always felt free—and safe—to express who I am in person. Being out on social media would have been uncomfortable, but I had the capacity, thanks to my professional and personal support system, to take on that discomfort. So I did. I started identifying online as queer and bisexual. I am more vocal now; I speak out against the attacks on our community, talk about my experiences as a queer racialized woman in Toronto and make “bisexual” puns in Instagram captions.
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