I Watched My Baby’s First Ultrasound From My Car in a Parking Lot Across the Street
Joseph Horton is a writing instructor at the University of California, Berkeley, and the University of California,’m sitting in my car in the parking lot of a hip Mexican restaurant FaceTiming with the ultrasound. It’s a blob—it’s always a blob—but I’m missing something. The connection is fuzzy, the sound cuts out and the sonogram circles freeze and unfreeze black and white. The doctor I’ve never met is pointing to things I can’t see. This is our first kid, our first appointment.
The phone suddenly tilts to a nurse technician, expressionlessly masked, then down to the floor and a wall, and then I can hear the heartbeat. Perfectly. I can’t see anything, I can’t ask any questions, I can’t be inside, but I can hear it. It is the only part of this that is perfect. Apparently in the room they have turned the volume up just for me. It fades. I think the doctor is talking to me. “It’s nice to meet you,” I offer aimlessly, “even now.”My wife says she needs to go and hangs up.
I reflexively screenshot the last look I get at the sonogram. More than anything, it’s an instinct to save something from this moment. I enlarge it, spin it around, try to make sense of it. I am looking at a picture of sound echoing off someone I haven’t yet met. A car honks behind me, and a minute later a masked and gloved restaurant runner brings a takeout order to the driver’s window. I wait. My wife doesn’t call back. I send the picture to my parents. They text back and I FaceTime them.
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