'After layering in additional kiddos, my engine – despite its strength – couldn’t pull the weight of life any longer with all those flat tires.' my2020vision myADHD2020vision
After graduation, I was still rocking through life, except now — with my job charging me with lots of event planning and orchestration of details — I started feeling like I had half a brain. It was taking me way longer to do stuff than it seemed my co-workers would take to do the same stuff. I took a lot home. I worked more hours. I couldn’t help but feel wildly inefficient, even though I was paddling underwater twice as fast.
I once paid to have my car, which wouldn’t start, towed to the mechanic only to find out that I had simply run out of gas. More and more, simple communication would fail me — like there was a barrier between all my juicy intelligence and the words to share it. My fiancé and I developed language for this: When I got stuck, I’d just say, “I can’t find my words,” with a sigh.
And for me, it wasn’t just that my vehicle’s speed slowed. And it wasn’t just that it was protesting with grunts, sputters, and grumbles.My interior world went with it… to that overwhelmed, panicky, scary place. There was a growing disparity between what was required of me and what I was capable of, and fear was more than eager to fill the space. Not surprisingly, my feelings of competency, confidence, and self-reliance hit the road, too.
Fast-forward to now: Since that day in the ADHD testing office when the doc used car imagery to explain in layman’s terms that I had, I’ve committed to learning about it like a PhD student. I have books and articles all around my house . My brain and I have become incredibly well-acquainted. I’ve devised, executed, and abandoned at different times innumerable systems to, time manage better, file better, decrease distractions better, meal plan better… you name it.
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