The current offerings for home improvement reality television are overwhelming to the point of suffocation: a curse and also a blessing. There’s too much TV. But in that pile of shows about flipping garbage found at a flea markets and renovating extreme bathrooms, one can occasionally find a beautiful gem. Insane Pools: Off the Deep End is that gem. It’s my favorite show on television.
The current offerings for home improvement reality television are overwhelming to the point of suffocation: a curse and also a blessing. There’s too much TV. But in that pile of shows about flipping garbage found at a flea markets and renovating extreme bathrooms, one can occasionally find a beautiful gem.Lucas Congdon, an affable man with a year-round tan, owns a company called Lucas Lagoons which makes resort-style pools for rich people in Florida with medium-bad taste.
Every pool that Congdon and his pals make are beautifully tacky simulacrums of nature, evocative of the famed pool at the Playboy mansion, replete with grottos not meant for fucking, but for quiet and wholesome family time. The attention to detail is astonishing; the landscaping, which Woman oversees, is tropical and lush and the pools themselves do “blend in” to their surroundings. If you squint and use just an ounce of your imagination, these pools look like they sort of belong.
As a woman whose dream is to eventually retire to some sort of semi-aquatic, manatee-adjacent lifestyle,speaks to me. I have easily watched four episodes in a row, slipping into a pleasant stupor punctuated only by my genuine gasps of delight when the big reveal hits. The most recent episode I watched involved a “plake” for Frank Giuffre, Congdon’s AV guy. The pool itself was so enormous that the team installed a bottom that was a highly-advanced liner instead of poured concrete, to save money.
Of course, these pools are aspirational at best. Budget is rarely mentioned on the show, but in one episode I watched, Lucas casually mentioned a figure in the $60,000 range for a pool. This, to me, is either the correct amount to spend or not nearly enough. If I’m paying for people to tear into my yard for 4 months, I would very much like it if the result is the kind of pool that inspires jealousy from my neighbors, my sisters, and the Sandals resort down the way.
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