Is living separately from your spouse the secret to a happy marriage? These couples think so.
looked into the combination of housing prices and interior design and neighborhood preferences that encourage New Yorkers to keep separate residences. In an expensive place like New York City, a rent-controlled apartment can mean more security than marriage. If you eventually break up, you still can afford to live in New York because you maintained your own space.
In Stoessel’s situation, staying married but living apart made the most financial sense. “If you get divorced, you will have to afford to live separately, and you'll be paying the lawyers tens of thousands of dollars in the bargain,” she told me. According to Stoessel, both she and her husband work and are both very frugal. “I moved out of the family home and took only a little of the furniture. Most everything else I needed I found at thrift stores or on Craigslist.
, Eric Klinenberg, a sociology professor at NYU, writes about the paradox of living alone. Instead of making people isolated, research shows living alone makes you more social. The population of people who live alone — whether they’re married or not — is growing. In places like Manhattan and in Washington DC, almost one in two households have only one person living in them. In the US overall, 10 times the number of people live alone compared to 1950.
Living apart also becomes more complicated for married couples who have kids together. But Stoessel said she would have done it if she thought of it sooner. “The children were all grown when we did this. They were all very supportive, and in fact each of them wrote a chapter in my book, as did my husband,” she said. Would they have done this when the kids were still at home? “Probably, if we'd thought of it,” she admitted.
When you live apart, you can simply treat your home as your own oasis that reflects you specifically and allows you to get some privacy when you need it. Plus, if you each retreat back to your own space after sex, getting a good night's sleep will put you in a better mood and perhaps make you less likely to resent a restless or noisy partner — all benefits for your relationship.
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