It’s No Fun to Be Excluded, So What Can You Do About It?

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It’s No Fun to Be Excluded, So What Can You Do About It?
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Understanding the 3 major causes of ostracism can help people retain the relationships they value most. swhitbo explains how.

A new study contrasts motives for ostracism and shows who’s most likely to be the target.

Given that relationships are key to a reasonably satisfying existence, most people would rather be invited to join a group than be left out in the cold. Perhaps you have a friend whose partner you also consider to be a friend. The two of them are having a quiet conversation while you sit in their backyard, but well within earshot. When a question pops up, you instinctively provide an answer. Much to your chagrin, your contribution is met with two identical dirty looks.

One possible set of motives is based on the concept of “perceived norm violation.” Groups ostracize those they believe aren’t following the rules of the game. Your friends, for example, may view your uninvited opinion as violating the social norm of privacy. Even though their conversation wasn’t exactly “private,” you weren’t asked directly to answer their question.

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