‘Jungle Cruise’ Is a Slow Trip to Nowhere

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‘Jungle Cruise’ Is a Slow Trip to Nowhere
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Review: JungleCruise tries to make grand cinema magic out of an 8-minute ride, but ends up a plodding, prefab journey.

Who among us hasn’t, at some point in our lives, found ourselves sitting on the quaint, kitschy “Jungle Cruise” ride at a Disney theme park and thought, This should be a movie? Well, okay; many people have not had that thought, because Disney theme parks are a wildly expensive luxury and because the ride—an animatronic, animal-filled boat-on-rails trip to a faux exotic wilderness—doesn’t have much scope.

But, of course, “Pirates of the Caribbean” was largely the same thing until, 18 years ago, it became a film franchise that would go on to gross $4.5 billion. So Disney is attempting the same alchemy with “Jungle Cruise,” figuring the brand identity is strong enough to support a developed world of CGI bluster and mythology. The result isFor a little while, it almost works.

In Brazil, Lily and MacGregor employ the services of Frank, a ne’er-do-well boat captain played with familiar smirk by. Blunt and Whitehall’s British fuss doesn’t mix naturally with Johnson’s half-ironic and very American flexing, but they work hard to conjure up a cohesive mood together.

This is a rare vehicle for Johnson in which he functions as a romantic lead, as Frank and Lily’s sparring turns to flirting turns to love. The film has trouble selling us on their chemistry, though, and a wild plot twist doesn’t disrupt their fated trajectory in the way that it probably should. Maybe it’s just the shock of seeing something approaching sexual tension in a Disney film these days, or maybe it’s something else, something more ineffable.

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