Plants are your friend. Until you kill them. Then they’re just a source of shame and pain that you have to figure out how to throw away
Photo: svarshik/Getty Images/EyeEm It’s hard not to want a plant. They bring life to your apartment, and they look so pretty. They suggest the idea that they’re filtering the dirty air around them even though in fact they are not. They’re something to care for and love and think about and put on your Instagram Story like, “plant update!,” as if anyone cares about your plant update. They are your friend.
The cycle of buying and loving and killing a plant is something I know very well. These are the plants I’ve killed: two ficuses, a Majesty Palm, a small Bird of Paradise. I had a little plant who was so resilient that despite myself I was able to maintain him for years. I think he was a golden pothos, and I loved him. He was sweet and green and he leaned toward the sun.
But does this mean I shouldn’t get to enjoy the leafy green-ness of a leafy green plant in my living space? I hardly think so. We each get one life to live and we should be able to enjoy all of its delights, including in-home plants. Luckily there is a solution. I think you know what it is, and yes, it is: dedicating yourself to learning how to take care of a plant. Just kidding it is: fake plants.
Does a fake plant look passably like a real plant? Almost never, no. Maybe out of the corner of a newcomer’s eye, catching just the idea of leaves and a trunk — maybe in this scenario one would assume that the thing in the corner is a real plant. But if looked at directly a fake plant does not exactly come across as a real plant. That’s fine. You’re not a liar and you’re not attempting to be a liar. It’s a fake plant, and you love it.
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