'Looking back now, I just wish I would have owned it,' the star tells PEOPLE about the decision to keep the abortion a secret, which she reveals in her new book, Hope, Grace, & Faith
, which she became addicted to after she was prescribed them to manage back pain following the birth of Adalynn in 2013.
“It was so scary because I just didn’t feel worthy enough. I didn’t feel that I was good enough to be their mom,” Messer explains. “It was definitely a turning point for me when I realized that I was legit trying to take my own life. The car was going so fast and I was watching it and I was so angry. That was it for me. That’s when I realized like, ‘All right, Leah, you’ve got to do something.'”The star is now sober and hopes that by claiming her full story, she’ll help others.
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