'For those of us who haven’t yet seen climate change fill our lungs with toxic air, fill our pipes with poisonous water, carry away our homes, kill our crops, or drown our families, grief is an aperture'
Photo: Dado Galdieri/Bloomberg via Getty Images I started waking up in the middle of the night in fear of climate change about five years ago. I was living with my parents in Southern California, and every day I discovered around me new signs pointing to the death of the world.
I cried on the hikes, at the dinner table, when I couldn’t get to sleep, when I woke up from it. We tried carving pumpkins on Halloween and I was humiliated to find the feel of the cheap plastic knife sinking into the fruit’s flesh unbearable. Whatever had been separating my intellectual understanding of what was happening to the planet from my emotional state had collapsed.
I ended up interviewing Margaret on the phone for a literary magazine. Her climate psychology work, funnily enough, had started with trauma. She had written a dissertation on women with romantic partners who had experienced a psychotic episode, and the tactics they used to endure terrible upheaval in their lives.
Sadness isn’t an endpoint; neither is fear. I don’t cry all the time anymore, though I cried last night, watching a video of Indigenous women singing in the streets of Sao Paulo to protest the fires raging in the Amazon, the product of agribusiness unleashed by a greedy, nihilistic president.
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