“Grief is like being in an ocean and you don’t know when a wave is going to hit you, or how high it is going to be, or how long you are going to get caught in the riptide.'
July 11, 2019 -- Around 2 a.m. on April 28, 2016, Cathy Semeria made a call no mother should ever have to make.
Today, she has found solace in her community, and through carrying on “Tini’s” legacy via social media. But when a friend of her daughter -- the youngest of her four children -- gets married or graduates from college, the pain pulls Cathy under again. “We explained that they are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling, but they are not stops on some linear timeline,” Kessler says.
“In the ’90s, the idea was that everyone must go through this painful, elaborate working-through process, and if they didn’t, either they didn’t care about the person or they were in denial and needed treatment,” he says. “A lot of people were getting treatment when they really didn’t need it.” “All of a sudden there are a ton of places they can’t go,” says Shear, recalling one patient who -- 4 years after the death of her son -- seldom left the house because she was afraid she’d run across something that would trigger her grief.
Four weeks after her death, he attended a dinner party with friends and was struck by the fact that no one brought up her name. He finally got up and left. But when he attended a support group, he walked in to discover it was all women and they, as he puts it, seemed to be on a different path than he was.
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