“Without eyebrows or eyelashes or the long silky hair that Asian-American women seemed celebrated for, I constantly wondered whether I could ever be described as … ‘beautiful’”
Photo: @alopeciamua/Instagram Letting go of all my hair had been looming step that had always terrified me, as if it would mean I would grow up incomplete or separate of my femininity.
But I decided the answer would always be “no” after a playground bully pulled the bandanna that hid my hair loss off my head and the P.E. teacher who, without asking, told me to sit out of class because I “probably wouldn’t be comfortable sweating.” The taunts and snickers layered themselves over my self-esteem until any form of confidence disappeared.
It felt as if alopecia had won a battle I didn’t know I was supposed to fight . Throughout middle school, I would flip through teen magazines and wander up and down the beauty aisles at Target, wishing I knew how to use the products that gave the CoverGirl models their smiles. In high school, I tried to copy the way my sister wore her eyeliner, hoping that makeup would “fix” me.
When the razor turned off, I stared at my reflection for what felt like an eternity. She fitted my wig, I left, and suddenly I felt the obvious that I couldn’t understand until I physically saw myself in that moment: I didn’t feel any different. I was still me, with all of my insecurities and imperfections — no matter how much hair I did or didn’t have on my head.
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