3 steps to take when you're mad or sad.
Anger often works to protect us from other painful feelings.“My wife wants me to see you,” David, an accountant in his mid-fifties, told me. “She got your name from her therapist. Marley, my wife, says I’m too angry these days, and I need to see a therapist to work on my feelings. What can I say? She’s got breast cancer. I don’t want her to die. I’m not angry at her, I’m just angry about the cancer, but she says I’m so irritable all the time that it feels like I’m angry at her.
Most of us have no idea that our anger has moved in to protect us from other painful feelings. But frequently when anger is a problem, there are vulnerable, painful emotions hidden behind it. Because I’ve seen this dynamic frequently as a psychotherapist, I automatically look for underlying hurt and sadness when someone tells me about being angry in a relationship.
Because it’s hard to be angry at someone who can’t help themselves, sometimes we turn the anger on ourselves, chastising ourselves for not being better, more caring people. We may get angry at life, or at God, or at the medical world for not having found a cure for a disease or a problem.
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